What 2020 Has in Store for You (1)

Aries: Life is a bitch! The planet conspiracy in Capricorn may
drive you nuts. Try not to lose your head.

Libra: You too will be a target for the evil conspiracy in Capricorn.
Better not let the devil add vodka to your Bloody Marys. Sober up!

Taurus: Uranus won't let go of your horns as if you were
a racing car. Mind the speed cameras.

Scorpio: Uranus won't stop pestering you and bringing out
the worst in you. You, nasty creepy crawly!

Gemini: Neptune will encourage you to become a coach potato.
Try to keep your focus on one thing at a time.

Sagittarius: Neptune might make you feel out of step.
You would benefit from practising martial arts.

Since many of you seem to have enjoyed my previous “horoscopes” which some “genuine” astrologers decided to repost with my permission, here's a new batch for the crazy year ahead. In two parts to avoid pages taking forever to load. Please, note however that even though my predictions are somewhat (extremely!) far-fetched, all the planet transits are not something I have made up. So they may contain some elements of truth.

To be continued: more signs tomorrow...

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