NSA Offers Password Backup Service to American Citizens

Under fire over more disclosures of intrusive wiretapping and in an effort to rebuild their image, the NSA provide an unprecedented service to American citizens, though at the moment, still met with mixed feelings.

Saving all your passwords for $25 per month only

“Who's never forgotten their email passwords, mobile access codes, or bank details? No more hassle, NSA takes care of that for you!” says the attractive slogan used by the now infamous National Security Agency to unveil their brand new service which goes by the malicious title of “Unlocked: we remember everything you don’t, and more.”

The idea is pretty simple: for 25 dollars per month, a special unit of NSA will automatically save all your Internet passwords and store it in its databases “over unlimited time”. Fiendishly proactive, whenever you enter two incorrect passwords they'll receive a notification and automatically resend the correct one without any action on your part required. “They'll even update the tiniest modification in your login date in real-time” says James, 28, thrilled.

“Allies should help one another”

It is with great emotion that actual head of NSA, Admiral Michael Rogers, commented back on what led to this extremely altruistic offer. During his time as eavesdropper-in-chief, he happened to witness online the mishap of a European president who could not remember the password to the secure account he used for sharing top-secret documents. “But we had it in our database all along. Besides, we're still using it today” said Rogers. “Allies should help one another, shouldn't they?” Undoubtely a much appreciated help in the digital jungle both States and private individuals are now living in. However, Richard Ledgett, Assistant Director of Operations is more prosaic regarding the original vocation of the project: “You know, storing the personal data of our citizens is our job and we've been doing it for a long time so we may as well get money and publicity out of it,” he confessed.

For the moment, the general public appears quite doubtful. According to a consumer panel, the fear that their data could be used for secret monitoring purposes would be the main argument. “We do understand  and respect this concern” said Admiral Rogers. “Our citizens have every right to reject the services of the NSA. We're a free country! Simply, they will be covertly outsourced to our British or Canadian counterparts so everyone is happy.”

Original text by LE GORAFI translated from French by EY@EL
© La Pensine Mutine. All rights reserved. Reproduction prohibited.

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Like a Monster

Welcome to our wonderful world
Into the house of the Lord,
I am your new messiah.
No need to worry anymore,
I'm back, bringing you
True happiness, money and love.
I'm like a monster!

Listen and gather together to me.
You can worship me,
You can touch me, I'm your preacher.
I do love you
And shall destroy all of your miseries.
I am your maker,
I'm like a monster!

I'm your new president,
Hard pushed with all your troubles.
Both the Americans and the Chinese
Are abolishing death penalty,
I foresee happiness and joy
In our countries.
I'm your devoted friend,
I'm like a monster!

I'm your new TV host
On Bliss Channel.
I shall make you
The star of all good people
Overnight — trust me,
I am your maker,
I'm like a monster!

Original text by NICOLA SIRKIS translated from French by EY@EL
© La Pensine Mutine. All rights reserved. Reproduction prohibited.

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Visits From the Other Side: When Our Beloveds Visit Us in Dreams

Last summer, I had a succession of the weirdest of dreams involving someone I've dated thirty years ago. On the first night, we were strolling around some lonely urban boulevard with huge glass and steel structures. All of a sudden, an explosion blew off all the windows of a near-by building. Some life-saving instinct prompted me to throw myself down with my face to the ground, which is how I was left unscathed. But my friend took the full blast. His face was covered in glass shards and blood. He could not see anything and was in a downright panic. I wanted to take him to the nearest pharmacy, but he said it was too late. I woke up in confusion with some sense of helplessness. The second night, we were standing in a rail yard. He looked very upset and silently kissed me goodbye before disappearing on board of some freight train. Again, I woke up with a weird sensation and profound sadness. Since I'd had that kind of dream contacts before with people of importance in my life, always for a specific purpose, whether to forgive and heal or to renew precious friendships, I spared no effort in attempt to find him, even though I expected to find hundreds with the same name in the United States alone (his home country). But as always when I'm in the flow, my research was fruitful. It was a great shock (though no big surprise) to find he had died on the previous summer, not as a result of the long illness he had been suffering from (“It's too late”), but in a car crash (the glass shards on his face). The meaning of this dream to me is all very clear and personal.

Ey@el

Life is a dream walking, death is a going home.

Chinese proverb

I just realized that my first dream visitation came from my cat. I wonder if it is easier for animals to cross over these thresholds, since they do not seem limited by our view of what is “real” or not.  My cat Aeshie (whose name came to me in a dream) often acted as my co-therapist, a grey Buddha in a fur suit.  She would come down to my office and do therapy with me (when she felt like it- she was still a cat, after all). She seemed to have an innate knowing of just who needed their leg rubbed, or to have a cat in their lap, at just the right moment.

If we allow ourselves to suspend our own disbelief in the possibility of multiple realities, we can experience great comfort and connection when our departed human beloveds visit us in our dreamworlds.  Many people I know who have lost a loved one say that they have had a sense that their dad or grandma visited them in a dream, but they weren’t sure if they could believe it.  Or else they say that they wish they could have a visit, and wonder why mom hasn’t shown up yet.

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