FR
Today is Assumption Day — that is the day Mary, mother of Jesus (not God as stated by Matt Bellamy1 whose spirit appears neither holy nor sound) was granted access to heaven “free from the original sin”. Therefore it is only natural to honour the ancestor of all men wrongly accused of picking up the apple from the tree and banned without much fanfare while he was only trying to fix the shower head2 to get a well-deserved wash after trout fishing3. The serpent did not cause his fall either. You might have heard that man came from monkeys. Well, that's because of the one which threw Adam an empty coconut shell. A short-sighted angel confused it with the forbidden fruit and reported the scene to the master of the place. God should really have invented eyeglasses first. Now it's time to reinstate the truth and refer to his laryngeal prominence as Adam's nutshell — not apple. “You might know of the original sin, you might know how to play with fire, but did you know of the murder committed in the name of love you thought what a pity”4.
Endnotes
- An interviewer asked Matt Bellamy of Muse: “Who do you think is the coolest woman of all time?” And he replied: “Mary, mother of god. She got pregnant and convinced everyone she was still a virgin!”
- A lame attempt to render the original pun in French where we don't say shower “head” but “apple”.
- Same lame attempt as above: in French, we use the same word for “fishing” and “sinning”.
- "The Original Sin", INXS (1983).
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