Glyphosate: EU Postpones Decision to Take All Bribes From Lobbies in Consideration

The Commission chose to postpone the 11/9 controversial vote in order to calmly benchmark bribes.

“Much is at stake, and even moreso the amounts we've been offered” President of European Commission Jean-Claude Juncker said yesterday. Indeed, since last September, negotiations in Brussels over the ban of the carcinogenic pesticide have created an even tenser atmosphere than at Israeli checkpoints.

The 300,000 lobbyists located in the Belgian capital are actually displaying the best of their abilities to try to influence the decision of the EU in a “more pragmatical” way. According to a judicial officer, the Commission would have already received “contributions, gifts, and other donations for 943 million euros — tax-free, of course”. This generosity is said to come from several major sponsors from Big Pharma and the food industry, all committed to a common funding pot and putting on a marvellous show of unity. Only Monsanto, no longer concerned about its corporate image for quite some time now, has ruthlessly admitted its involvement in the ongoing influence campaign.

“Contributors to the vitality of the legislative debate in Europe”

According to President Juncker, “the Commission wishes to make a well-informed decision”. And in order to do so, they intend to carry out a comprehensive comparative study of the stack of bribe records that keeps piling up on their desks for months. “There is a clear genuine involvement from the industry professionals on the issue” said one commissioner on his way to a 3-week prepaid holiday in the Bahamas. “It's a great feeling to be able to engage in mutual understanding with our counterparts in the private sector” added another before stepping into his brand-new Jaguar.

Unfortunately, the exact source of what looks an awful lot like a full-on bribery operation will not be divulged. “To ensure transparency and fairness, we wish to respect the confidentiality of those who contribute so generously to the vitality of the legislative debate in Europe”.

Original text by LE GORAFI translated from French by EY@EL
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