King Burger

A season prerequisite, perfectly in line with my vow of temporary (but healthy) triviality: here's one final recipe resulting from my cooking experiments in my personal war against junk food and industrial food. These burgers may not look that great, but they do not moo and will provide all the proteins you need without either clogging your arteries or acidifying your body. An alternative way to serve lentils children might also enjoy especially when cooked with their favourite seasoning.

Ingredients

Makes 2 burgers:

- 3 tbsp lentils, cooked
- 2 tbsp lupin flour
- 1½ tbsp flaxseed, ground
- 1 tsp curry
- 1 garlic clove, crushed
- salt, pepper, dried oregano

Directions

In a large bowl, mash (green red or black) lentils, cooked beforehand prior to soaking them overnight. Add the other ingredients until you get a homogenous mix.

Shape your burgers using cookie cutter, a burger mould or a small bowl so that you get compact patties that will look neither like pancakes nor mashed potatoes.

Fry 3-4 minutes in coconut or olive oil.

Highly nourishing, these burgers are best served with greens. You may of course change seasoning according to your tastes and preferences — e.g. replace garlic with onion and curry with any other spice or add more herbs.

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Words

Loud flawed words
Dragged and dropped
Blended passes
To miscast spelling

Unfinished misnomers
Foul swear words
Poison talk
Spelt gossip

Snarky rattling
Of dire consequences
For the tear-sodden hearted
Crushed in slow motion

Freeze-framed chillers
Worryworth words
Born out of anxiety
Left out on the tip of tongues

Keywords kept under hats
To seal lips off
Wherever abuse
Takes the lie of the truth

May the unspoken
Become the spoken word
Where consenting silence
Is death foretold

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Muffin's Law

Unlike Murphy's Law stating that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, Muffin's Law is actually based on optimism. Thus, there is only one way to avoid poisoning by your favourite cakes: that is the homemade method with healthy ingredients and no added sugar. So here is my (gluten-free) recipe for tasty muffins you may eat at breakfast or tea.

Ingredients

Makes 9 muffins:

- 50 g coconut flour
- 50 g rice flour
- 50 g quinoa flour
- 50 g tigernut flour
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp apple vinegar
- 1 tbsp ground flaxseed (optional)
- 1 tsp ground cinnamon
- 1 tsp ground ginger
- 1 banana (optional)
- 1 tbsp rum
- 3 eggs
- 6 tbsp olive (or coconut) oil
- 200 ml rice milk

Directions

In a large bowl, mix flours with spices and ground linseed, preferably using a whisk. Dig a hole in the middle and add baking soda plus vinegar. Mix again and add diced banana.

In another dish, whisk eggs with rum and oil then add to the previous mix. Pour milk and stir well until you get a thick batter. It should be a bit lumpy but not dry nor too thin.

Transfer into a 9 cup muffin pan and bake for 35 minutes at 210°C.

NOTE: You may substitute ginger and cinnamon with 1 tsp of raw unsugared cocoa powder, ground flaxseed with ground almonds or grated coconut, and rum with natural vanilla extract (obtained by marinading 1 vanilla pod into 30 ml of vodka for two months and stored in a dark place). It's up to you to adapt this recipe with your preferred or available ingredients.

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Flyweight

I am a fly,
A lightweight,
Sideliner forever,
Or new counter?

Dumping heavy,
Bearing my weight,
Balancing imbalances,
Unburdening my conscience.

Easily affected,
The slightest skirmish,
Quickly weighs me down,
Still nothing calms me down.

Shut my trap,
Fly idly,
Or strike home,
Get on the raw?

I am a light-traveller,
A fly in the ointment,
A fuss-maker,
A drama queen.

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Summertime Balms

Just renewed my stock of summertime homemade cosmetics: one new lavender blemish concealer, some vibrant pink-coloured lipsticks plus my essential shikakai solid shampoo and cardamom shower bar (previous recipes of which I'm afraid are still unavailable in English at the moment), and a couple of moisturising body and lip balms which I shall explain how to make. Why spend a fortune on toxic commercial brands when you can make your own cost effective and healthy cosmetics at home? This is also a great way to help preserve our environment and stop tacitly endorsing cruel animal testing.

Coconut/Cocoa Lip Balm

Ingredients

  • 1 g bee wax
  • 0,7 g candelilla wax
  • 0,7 g coconut oil
  • 0,7 g shea butter
  • 0,7 g cocoa butter
  • 1 g castor oil
  • 0,8 g avocado oil
  • 0,7 g rice bran oil
  • 2 drops vitamin E (optional)
  • 3 drops vanilla oily extract (optional)
  • 5 drops red or pink natural colouring dye (optional)

Instructions

Melt waxes and butters in a double boiler. Add remaining ingredients. Stir well and transfer immediately into an old recycled clean and disinfected empty lipstick or lip balm tube (you may use a small jar instead but it won't be as easy to apply, so I suggest you drop the candelilla and only use one third of the bee wax). Let it stand for 30 minutes in the fridge to harden.

NOTE: Although bright pink (obtained with red-root gromwell extract), my lip balm pictured above won't colour your lips. Since men may also want to use it, you can skip the colour stuff. But young girls should love it! You may also use natural carmine or organic beet juice instead. All vegetable oils may be replaced with equivalent ones such as wheatgerm, apricot kernel, raspberry, cherry... anything you have provided quantities are respected. If you don't have any cocoa butter, you may used double shea butter but your balm might be less smooth. You may skip the fragrance too.

Coconut/Orange Body Balm

This one is actually an enhanced raw product — a great favourite of mine I use for cooking as well as for homemade cosmetics. Yet I dislike the smell of it so I've tried to add a few drops of citrus oils which leave a subtle but absolutely divine scent on your skin. Yummy!

Ingredients

  • 50 g coconut oil
  • 20 drops orange (or lime) essential oil
  • 2 drops vitamin E (optional)

Instructions

You must use hardened coconut oil (though not too hard). So if it's too hot and it's all fluid, let it stand 20-30 minutes in the fridge. Add essential oil and vitamin E and whisk well into a thick whipped cream you'll keep refrigerated during heat spells. Whisking it will create air bubbles and lighten the texture for better skin absorption. And of course, for the fun of it!

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Entertainment Bombs

Resulting from the use of gunpowder — a 1000 year old Chinese invention imported in Europe, two centuries later by Marco Polo, based on a recipe using sulphur, saltpetre and additional flammable metal salts (such as magnesium and caesium), those fireworks the masses are treated to during festivals and celebrations are nothing but upgraded gunpowder still in use for mass killing.

Thus, they qualify as explosives and cannot be deemed as perfectly safe. In addition to a number of (sometimes lethal) accidental and fire hazards from flying debris, they may cause serious damage to ecosystems and to the health of bystanders inhaling the smoke. Indeed, amongst the chemicals used to produce these deflagrating rockets are nitrate, chlorate, and perchlorate as well as sulphur and a number of highly toxic and carcinogenic heavy metals such as titanium, barium, and strontium (traces of which were found in streams surrounding the launching sites of pyrotechnic shows).

Not to mention that, every year, these “entertainment bombs” cost municipalities a small fortune. To give you an idea, in 2015, the city of Paris spent 700,000 euros compared with €300,000 in Marseilles, €80,000 in Rennes or €30,000 in Nice). They do prefer cutting back on more useful expenditure meanwhile taxing carbon emissions and polluting activities. Point out the paradox and they'll call you a conspiracy theorist. My, the rubbish you can read on the Internet!

I took the above picture from my window on 13th July this year, almost asphyxiated by the thick smoke filling the surrounding area, which soon covered all plants, trees and cars (a neighbour even had his vehicle damaged by flying debris and is going to file a complaint once the technical services reopen from their annual leave). We actually had to wear makeshift masks to go out and collect bagfuls of rocket debris or remnants (pieces of cardboard, plastic, and small beads resembling very much air rifle pellets), some still incandescent might even have set fire to grasses and bushes had it not been for the recent heavy rains.

Many years ago, a petition had been signed to prohibit the launching of fireworks at short distance from dwellings, but the stadium from which they used to operate having recently been renovated, the council chose to keep it quiet until the last second as to where the new location would be, even careful not to make too much noise in preparing the event so that local residents wouldn't find out until later evening after all municipal services had closed. That said, coming from a megalomaniac TV show host-looking rogue mayor who, like his high-ranking politician friends, shows little to no regard to anyone but himself and believes himself above the law, always managing to slip through the net while having no scruples about resorting to the same methods as the “Great Ones” of demonocracy to muzzle the opposition — the only thing we can reasonably expect would be a “polite” finger with a smirk all wrapped up in the usual sickening hallucinogenic gibberish of such white hats with the darkest linings.

Welcome to Democrassia!

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Everyone Stands Up for...

As you already know (hopefully), breakfast is the most important meal of the day and the opportunity to recharge your batteries without gaining weight as your metabolism is at its peak. This yummy hyperproteinated gluten/dairy/egg-free recipe I've just devised contains no added sugars and is not only very energising and nutritious, but can also be prepared in advance for the week ahead and turns out both dead simple and very quick to make.

Ingredients

Makes 9 cups:

- 1 litre rice milk
- 400 ml coconut milk
- 1 vanilla pod
- 2 tbsp rum
- 3 tbsp lupin flour
- 3 tbsp ground flaxseed
- 3 tbsp ground almonds
- 9 tbsp wholemeal rice flakes

Directions

In a saucepan, heat both rice and coconut milk with rum and the split vanilla pod which you'll remove at boiling point.

In a separate dish, whisk the remaining dry ingredients together and add progressively to the boiling mixture, constantly stirring to avoid the formation of lumps. Cook until thickened (it should take about 10 minutes but the mix will keep thickening as it cools) and pour into glass containers — ideally lidded yogurt cups but if you don't have any you may use ramekins and cover them with plastic wrap.

Once cooled, store in refrigerator just like yogurts.

NOTE: You may of course use any other flavour you like such as cocoa, coffee, cinnamon, ginger... instead of vanilla. Same for rum but make sure you keep it light and do not mismatch flavours as you may end up with something quick bitter. You may also replace rice milk with almond milk (then no need to add ground almonds).

However, lupin flour from a high-protein legume (a substitute for eggs) and omega-3 enriched flaxseed (jelly-like texture) are the key nutrients to this recipe. Therefore you should not change them. Please note, flaxseed is also a powerful antioxidant, helps regulate cholesterol levels, promote arterial health, burn fats, and facilitate intestinal transit due to its high-fibre content.

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Down on Earth

Tut-tut, I'm not hung up on my feet. No, I'm NOT! Even if I do occasionally stare down at them out of shame or embarrassment (which very seldom happens). Rather, they allow me to hold my ground — my roots anchoring me to this beautiful blue planet called Gaia, our Mother Earth. No doubt if she had feet she would probably get her kicks booting the ass off of all the evil freeloaders who disregard her awesome blessings by constantly defiling and plundering her.

Nature is speaking

Some call me Nature, others call me Mother Nature. I've been here for about four and a half billion years — 22,500 times longer than you. I don't really need people, but people need me. Yes, your future depends on me. When I thrive, you thrive. When I falter, you falter. Or worse. But I've been here for aeons, I have fed species greater than you. And I have starved species greater than you. My oceans, my soils, my flowing streams, my forests, they all can take you. Or leave you. How you choose to live each day, whether you regard or disregard me, doesn't really matter to me. One way or the other, your actions will determine your fate, not mine. I am Nature, I will go on. I am prepared to evolve. Are you? (Watch video)

Smurfette's honour

This is the main reason I choose to bear and walk Gaia's colours. As a reminder that every step I take on her ground is a physical experience owed to her — that her sickness, her disrupted natural cycles are no vagaries of hers, but result from the madness of some individuals — either sorcerer's apprentices or pure embodiments of evil — terraformation geoengineers deliberately electroshocking her by tampering with her ionosphere as a pretext for tackling the global warming they actually initiated.

Obviously, the greenhouse gas emissions from our polluting activities must definitely be addressed and the ransacking and looting of our natural resources discontinued. We all agree on this point. However, these are certainly not the leading direct cause of all the disasters attributed to them nor of the growing major environmental threat we all face. It's becoming a matter of urgency to open our eyes wider and finally accept the unacceptable truth. Realise that our ignorance will never exempt us from our liability, that there can never be such thing as neutrality in a world of duality. And stop wasting precious time and energies arguing over an issue that cannot be deferred and instead join forces and address it through both constant small individual deeds and greater collective actions.

Earthly reasons

Yet, there are some good earthly reasons for my painting my toenails blue — and in order to cut off any potential “tell-tale sign” watchers (burn the witch!) let me tell you that I'm using organic toxic-free nail polish (which does not contain any of the seven deadly chemicals otherwise commonly found in such products) and that the mat I'm standing on is made of natural rubber latex rather than plastic.

I must admit that I sometimes lose ground and really feel like I'm a lousy communicator and tend to stick my foot in it. So I figured out it might be because I'm from another planet, that my communication chakra must seat at the grassroots rather than at throat level, and therefore it might be appropriate to try fine-tuning it to Mercury's frequency range which is blue.

However, the honest truth is far less noble. All pure vanity as I actually paint my toenails to match the colour of my shoes (which I hardly ever wear because they hurt). That confessed, everything I said was sincere. I may be so ready-tongued I could lick my own toes, I certainly keep my heart and mind all in the right places.

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Past Imperfect

Helluva hullabaloo
(Olla bolla domino)
So much chaos in the classroom
(Okay hockey)
Just having a fit
(Catch a tiger by the toe)
Detention galore
(If he hollers let him go)
A hundred lines on the board
(And a hundred tables underneath)

Weary teasy peasy
(The Ace of Spades and Hearts)
Summons the schoolmistress
(Foolish Miss Happ)
Rings a bell to the headmaster
(Now is the bitching hour)

High-flying pieces of writing
(This close but undisclosed)
All school reports zeroed out
(Quarters to none)
Outpointing her dance cap
(Right under his big dunce nose)
All flawed ways condoned
(How unapologetic)

Haywire goes the uncool master
(Eeny, meeny, miny, moe)
Off the school ground
(He'll go east, he'll go west)
Lost his mind
(He'll go to the crow's nest)
But where is mine?

NOTE: This is more a story telling variation than an accurate translation of the original in French, as you can imagine all these puns being literally untranslatable (and the other way round). But I certainly do enjoy a good challenge sometimes. For more fun, read it aloud!

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A Moon Shaped Pizza

My first pizza in ages! As you know, for some years now I've introduced drastic changes in my eating habits, forever excluding junk food and manufactured food. Gluten (or glycophate that is, thanks to Monsanto) and dairies as well since I have grown intolerant to these, and whatever peer-approved and recognised scaremongering disinformers might say I do not suffer from any deficiency and I'm actually feeling much better. A necessary clarification to set your mind at rest unless you would think I do not do as I preach. So here is my dead-simple healthy gluten-free pizza recipe named after Radiohead's latest album the front cover of which looks like er... nothing (please, don't shoot the messenger!).

Ingredients

Serves 1-2:

- 1 cup chickpea flour
- 1 cup mineral/spring water
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp apple vinegar
- 2 tbsp olive oil
- 1½ tsp curry (or any other spice)
- 1½ tsp dried oregano (or any other herb)
- Pepper, salt
- Topping of your choice

Directions

Transfer chickpea flour into a bowl. Dig a hole in its centre. Add baking soda and vinegar and stir well.  Pour water and stir again with a wooden spoon until smooth. The dough should be neither too thick nor thin (unlike traditional wheat-based pizza dough, this one doesn't need any kneading and should be much smoother). Cover with a clean cloth (or a plate) and leave to stand for at least two hours or six hours at best.

Lightly oil a metal pan dish (do no use silicon or non-stick dishes) and line it with baking paper. Place it on the baking tray in oven while preheating at 230°C.

In the meantime, add up the oil to your dough, stirring well then the herbs, spices, and seasoning. Remove your dish from the oven and pour the dough in the middle, slightly inclining clockwise or anticlockwise to spread evenly so that the crust won't be too thick.

Bake for 20-25 minutes.

You may then add your desired (pre-cooked topping) and put it back in the oven about 5 minutes before serving.

On the above picture, I've used bell pepper and eggplant topping with fermented tofu, garlic and fresh chives.

Bon appétit!

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Copycats

What do uninspired rockstars do? They spy on and mimic their fans of course! So, last month a friend and I met in Paris and posted a selfie of us on W.A.S.T.E. (Radiohead's official network) and a couple of weeks later, Michael Stipe (retired ex-R.E.M. frontman) posted his own with Thom Yorke. See the above for yourself.

On the assumption that there is no such thing as chance, what can we surmise from this evidence, my dear Holmes? That this is an international conspiracy to troll selfies? That I should know better than posting selfies on the internet? Or simply that great minds think alike?

Anyway, this is not the first time Mr Yorke does it to me. Copycat!

P.S.: To those who wouldn't get my sense of humour, it was a just a laugh of course. Actually, I find the whole thing rather cool.

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3 Years

Three years ago, the original Pensine Mutine went online. 860 posts, some 109.000 visitors and a few 2215 comments later (come on you can do much better even though these stats do not apply to the English version added last year), it feels only right to allow my ego to party. Just for one day.

They say it's your birthday,
It's my birthday too, yeah!
They say it's your birthday,
We're gonna have a good time!
I'm glad it's your birthday,
Happy birthday to you!

"Birthday", The Beatles (1968)

Talking about megalomania, incidentally it's always been fun to hear that Beatles song since my birthday would fall on the same day as John Lennon's. Too bad it's actually Paul McCartney singing!

For once, there's only one word I would like to say to you : thanks!

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Polaroid Android: Your Summertime Series

Can't believe it's mid-summer already, damn! Is August really the burnout season? Well, not for everyone, for sure. Meanwhile a number of so-called “lucky sods” will be having a taste of the daily lazing around routine on the beach or somewhere else, yours truly and a bunch of other “unlucky” heroic insomniacs —  who can get way anytime anywhere with no fixed destination or schedule (and for free) — will soldier on.

Don't get heavy,
Keep it light,
And keep it moving.

"Present Tense", Radiohead (2016)

That said, a little break can't hurt (and also I'd like to allocate more time for personal plans), so this month I've decided to keep it light in great but improved Instagramish fashion by posting articles intended as a collection of thematic vignettes (an idea in the spirit of Radiohead's recent avant-garde promotional approach) inspired by snapshots of my own, designed as Polaroids. I've already got a whole stack of these — trivial but healthy and tongue-in-cheek (well, hope so and will do my best to).

As you can see, I may lay with my feet up, I still won't sit on my hands!

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The Panther of the Lake

It's almost Halloween. On this occasion, I intended to repost an article by Alanna Ketler about what black cats actually symbolise and ...

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