What was I saying the other day about synchronicities and how the choice of my posts was not always mine? Well, this time it hasn't been looping in my head for 24 hours, but popped up at precisely the right time through another person apparently suffering from the same ills who shared it on my Tweeter feed. Which just shows that social media do not only have to spread hatred, propaganda and disinformation. A huge thank you therefore goes out to Mark Shaw from Then Jerico whose music was recently featured on this blog. May inner peace be with him and with all those who, like me, struggle hard not to let stress, insomnia and panic attacks get the best of them. May we find strength in our darkest times. We will succeed because we're all well aware that the world won't change for us and that the key is to be found within us.
Ey@el
Back in May, I wrote about the damaging effects stress has on the body, and the scientifically-validated power of yoga and meditation to undo them. Following close behind stress as a chronic contributor to illness is sleeplessness, which the Division of Sleep Medicine at Harvard Medical School links to diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, and shortened life expectancy. Add to all these risks the problems of poor productivity and disorganized thinking, and you’ll begin to see insomnia for the dangerous condition it is.
What to do with that anxious, overworked, overtired self? Well, again, I’d heartily recommend a yoga or meditation practice. Power naps throughout the day can boost your endurance and brainpower as well. But I’d also recommend music — music that calms the body and helps wash away the mental gunk that accumulates throughout the day. Composer Max Richter recently released an eight-hour piece of music intended to lull listeners to sleep and keep them there. His efforts are now joined by electronica superstar Moby, who has spoken frankly about the insomnia that has plagued him since the age of four.
Today as you know it is Saint Patrick's Day in celebration of the foremost patron saint of Ireland. Apart from the religious nature of this festival and its more sinister occult background, we may also regard it as a celebration of Gaia or Mother Nature, our planet who is much more than just a rock but a living entity in her own right. You don't believe me ? Well, let's reconnect to her, listen to her and then you'll know.
What Language Does Mother Earth Speak?
How does our planet, which gives life to all earthly creatures, tell us when we’ve gone too far, when we’ve cut down too many forests or over-polluted the soil and sea? In what ways does she make appeals to the human race for compassionate reciprocity for breathing life into the stardust that animates us?
We know she is capable of doom and destruction, and that when she speaks up the earth shakes and trembles and entire cities fall. When she cries out her tears create centennial floods and blizzards that shock, surprise and humble us. When she moans in pain of being tortured, her anguish is felt in droughts, famine and pestilence, and thousands of her children die and fade to dust. When she smiles, we reap abundance in harvest and we thrive in good health of mind and spirit.
She speaks to us in these familiar tongues, using the language of blessing and destruction, yet our human minds have gone so far down the road of disconnection that we know longer hear her or heed her voice. We’ve advanced so far in the direction of materialism that we no longer acknowledge her communication as an intelligence, and we’ve grown so arrogant and pompous in our endeavors that we discredit her say, instead always moving to subjugate her interests or insulate ourselves from her wrath. Foolishness of the highest order. (Source)
And by the way, have a happy equinox (in three days' time) and many happy returns to all Patricks and Patricias!
In the deepest ocean, The bottom of the sea, Your eyes — They turn me.
"Weird Fishes (Arpeggi)", Radiohead (2007)
Last summer in the Polaroid Android series, I had introduced you to my my artistic crush for Chester Calayag, a young Filipino painter I met on W.A.S.T.E., Radiohead's official network. A tortured artist, yet he had a special way of making you look at the bright side of things through his off-beat humour and good spirit. Ultimately, it appears it was all but a front to conceal the deep-rooted ill-being that consumed him and that his art proved unable to fully exorcise.
Sadly, Chester decided to leave us on January 11.
Slowly we unfurl as lotus flowers 'Cause all I want is The moon upon a stick. I dance around a pit, The darkness is beneath.
I was greatly shocked to hear the news all the more since I had exchanged messages with him only a couple of days prior to this tragic event and he was delighted to have been included in a private group I had created on Twitter to celebrate the New Year.
“It's nice to read articles like this, and knowing that once in his life he experienced to be acknowledged” wrote Jhen Calayag, Chester's elder brother who broke the tragical news to me.
“Thank you for your time and the appreciation you showed to Chester. I'm so grateful to all the people who appreciate my brother especially when he was still alive. Please, keep on praying for his soul.”
Oh my god, I had not realised how much it had meant to him. I was genuinely moved when he surprised me with an oil portrait he made based on my profile picture stamped with “Gut Feeling”, which happens to be my dominant trait for those who know me well.
In Rainbows
As explained previously, Chester was a big fan of Radiohead. “He had a tattoo of Radiohead on his left arm, and before he died he made a doll of himself with a cassette tape of Radiohead [of Pablo Honey, their first album] as his head holding a guitar” Jhen remembers, obviously touched that I informed the Radiohead community of his tragic loss and posted some of Chester's paintings where they got featured in due place.
On W.A.S.T.E., Jo does recall first seeing Chester's comments “that were often accompanied with a "heh heh" and a :) or similar”.
I'm moving out of orbit Turning in somersaults: A giant turtle's eyes, Jellyfish swim by...
”My initial thought was ‘what's so amusing? This guy's a bit weird!’. Then, bit by bit, I began to realise that he wasn't a weird guy at all. He had a marvellous, sometimes irreverent sense of humour, was sensitive and creative. His ‘Hi, how are you?’ posts were genuine. I got the feeling that he sincerely wanted to know how we were. In hindsight, maybe he was reaching out and needed to say show he was (but wasn't able to say, by what I can make out).”
“Chester's creative posts, showing his work were always like receiving a present. Like his character, they portrayed the unique, the beautiful, the sorrow, hurt and also humour in his and in our lives. He was so very talented and generous in his art. I particularly remember those long limbed figures (Radiohead, I think?) that were genial!”
“So, it's a shame I wasn't in contact with Chester for very long. He left a mark, definitely. It's such a tragic loss to his family, friends and fellow W.A.S.T.E. members that he felt unable to carry on. He will be missed, sorely missed. The world needs more Chesters, though of course he was a one-off! Bye, Chester and thank you.”
In Limbo
I jumped in the river and what did I see? Black-eyed angels swam with me, A moon full of stars and astral cars — All the things I used to see. All my lovers were there with me — All my pasts and futures. And we all went to heaven in a little row boat, There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt.
According to his family, Chester was apparently suffering from the same ill as Thom Yorke in his younger years: depression. And that's probably because some of his lyrics mirrored his own feelings so well that he worshipped Radiohead's music.
“We thought he was suffering from depression, but he always answered he was fine” Jhen Calayag explains. “Really depression has no face. Although we saw sadness in his eyes, that sometimes he would choose to sleep more and keep quiet, he still managed to smile and have fun with us and with his friends. He really appreciated little things especially lately before he went.”
In pitch dark, I go walking in your landscape. Broken branches Trip me as I speak. Just because you feel it Doesn’t mean it’s there...
- "There There", Radiohead (2003)
“But only God knows what was really in his heart and mind. We are still clueless about the real reason why he took his own life. It's so shocking that his journey in this world ended in his own hands. Maybe he really wanted to free himself from the heartache and pain some people caused him. Everyday it feels like it's getting harder and harder to accept that he's gone. He had a lot of plans.”
“He was a good person, friend, son and brother. I don't remember if there were times when we had a fight or argument about something. He respected me as his older brother. I know that whenever I did something he didn't like, he was still there to support me. I still have a lot of things I'd like to say about him.”
“I didn't really talk with Chester very much” B apologises. “I did recognize him as a beautiful soul, so I 'friended' him. It's a tragedy that he left too early and by his own hand... he must have suffered deeply. He'll be missed. I hope he's flying free and happy now, in perfect peace.”
There's an empty space inside my heart Where the weeds take root So now I'll set you free...
“I pray he finds the peace that he was searching for” writes Jean Dotson. ”I pray his family and friends find comfort in his passing. I have to believe, he has gone on to a better life. yes, he was so gifted, so expressive, so wonderful to have him in this life, if for only a brief time. the demon of depression can no longer haunt him. Blessings and Peace!”
“As a man and a fellow human being, I just wish more could be done to stop this happening again. So many good, talented and often too young people who are no longer with us. My sincerest thoughts are with the family of Chester. May he find the peace in the world he now inhabits that he sought on earth” concludes Ian The Trickster
Last Flowers
I, for one, would like him to be remembered for his bright side even though his dark side took him over, because that is what every human being should choose to nurture within. We are both light and darkness, but as gardeners of our inner sanctuaries, it is our utmost duty to ensure a good balance of whatever grows in it.
Even though it's certainly the hardest thing in the world in our egotistic societies ruled by psychopaths who ridicule emotional distress and make hypersensitivity look like a flaw. Strength lies not in feeling nothing but in no longer exhausting your energy in responding. Sadly, I do not have (yet) any perfect method to offer. I'll let you know when that happens (and for free). Do not remain confined in your own private hells pretending everything is okay. Weed out.
Painting is another way to give life.
- Chester Calayag
Many thanks to Jhen Calayag and everyone who took the time to share their feelings.
And most of all, a huge thank you to Chester for crossing and illuminating our paths down below with his art, just like a comet crossing our horizon way too fast.
This is not what I had in mind to post, however as you know it (or do not), the topic of my publications is not always mine to choose. Nobody compels me, but I often get loads of signs and intrusive thoughts coming to me not compulsively but in a kind recurring way that I cannot ignore. Having acknowledged this higher wisdom and long since learned how to let it guide me, there is usually no need to put much emphasis, yet I've been hearing this song (much inspired by The Who) playing over and over in my head all of the night and still in the morning when I got up — a track I had not listened to for at least thirty years. It fits so well with what is happening in our world right now that you would think it's just been written yesterday whereas it dates back to even before some of our current “oppressors” in France were actually born. So does 1984 — to which a reference is made twice (“ignorance is strength” and “you know what happened to Winston”) — and yet we're nearly there.
Masses never rise up on their own. They never rebel just because they are being oppressed. As long as they have nothing to compare with, they never realise they are being oppressed. In short, a hierarchical society could only exist on the basis of poverty and ignorance. (Source)
Ey@el
Oh we make the standards and we make the rules And if you don't abide by them, you must be a fool. We have the power to control the whole land, You never must question our motives or plans.
We'll outlaw your voices, do anything we want, We've nothing to fear from the nation. We'll kick you out your houses if you get too much, If we have to, we'll destroy your generation. We've built up a frontage and we've gained respect, There's no one to endanger our position.
And we don't like people who stand in our way. Awareness is gonna be redundant And ignorance is strength, we have God on our side. Look, you know what happened to Winston.
Oh we make the standards and we make the rules And if you don't abide by them, you must be a fool. We have the power to control the whole land, You never must question our motives or plans.
FR
